Baby Clarissa/Bad Night

Not totally crazy about this layout. This is my new great niece Clarissa. I get to go see her again next weekend! YAY!!!!

I am in a total pissed off mood cuz Dean and I had another baby fight. You'd think I would just DROP it and move on but I can't. He told me last night that I have problems with 2 kids already why would I want another. UGH! He constantly shows me how much he loves me by these comments. NOT! Sometimes they are followed with a "get out of MY house". He wants to build on to the house in the spring but why should I contribute to HIS house? Just pissed off and talking.

I slept for a couple hours on the couch earlier but sleep better in the couch. Funny how when I am mad I can't even lay next to him. I went through a period where I didn't want a baby and was fine with just being DONE and raising my 2 kids I have now. Maybe he is right. I am a horrible mother. The last thing I need to do is to bring any more kids into the world. Might as well jump off a cliff while I am at it huh?

Maybe one day I will have MY house. It took me forever to get MY car and he used to tell me when I would get mad that I couldn't go anywhere in HIS car. THANK GOD I HAVE MY OWN NOW! Love my car! I don't need a psychiatrist to figure this out for me. I know he tells me all of this to make himself feel better about who he is. I know that he feels lousy about his crappy job, his crappy house, his crappy car but it is the only thing he has and he earned it and he is scared to death that someone is gonna take it away from him.

That was another thing he said to me last night. Because I have been talking to this other guy from work (which I told him or he would have NEVER known) he thinks I am just gonna up and leave. One of his arguements every time we talk "baby" is that he doesn't wanna be stuck with 18 more years of child support. He just has in his head that I will leave him one day. It has been five years now. It will be on the 28th of this month. Haven't left yet and I certainly had the opportunity to. UGH...doesn't much matter though. Nobody even cares!

Think I am going to bed now..or the couch or something. I am pissed! LOL